Job Description of a Mum
Mother – may be referred to as Mum/Mummy/Mama/Poo poo head depending on client’s mood.
Team players needed for challenging role in a crazy manic environment. Candidates must have excellent communication skills and be willing to work very flexible hours, this will include evenings and weekends plus all night shifts.
- Maintain calendars, plan and organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and mood swings;
- To assemble and product safety test plastic toys and battery operated devices which will subsequently break in 5 minutes;
- Some overnight travel required including trips to camp sites on rainy weekends and ferry trips to France in force 9 gales, travel expenses not reimbursed;
- Extensive driving required to numerous village and sports halls;
- Must always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
- Commitment – this is a role for the rest of your life;
- Communication skills – communication skills that can adapt to a variety of situations essential;
- any previous experience with trained negotiators desirable;
- Organisational skills – you require the skills of a school time-tabler and the discretion of a PA;
- Resilience – must be willing to be disliked, at least on a temporary basis and must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly;
- Bribery – experience with the Mafia would be an advantage.
None. Your job is to remain the same for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
- Hard to obtain – please see above re Mafia, trained negotiator, PA.
- On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You will work for free. In fact you actually pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses along the way (see Bribery). A bonus payment is due apparently when they turn 18 because of the assumption that further education will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.
Even though this doesn’t sound like an attractive package this role will allow you to witness the amazing growth and development of your client whilst gaining free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.